Advil, please!

#5: Philosophy on Pain

Went scavenging today and this is what I came back with:
“Pain is a matter of perception; if you don’t let it hurt you, it won’t.”

I’ve never been able to articulate this simple fact as succinctly before but I think I’ve been subscribing to this philosophy from as far back as I can remember. What hurts you is a function of what you’ve opened yourself to. There is pain if there is vulnerability. A mighty fortress does not yelp in the face of a torrent of arrows; but an open wound will scream at the smallest grain of salt. This is not an invitation to close your fists and withdraw from the world. It's more of a call to be wiser in assessing the value of that which has the potential to hurt, versus the probability of that same thing making your life richer. If it gives your existence more color, more depth, don't call it pain. It is merely price.

A friend and I were stuck in horrendous traffic some 9 years ago and I was clowning around to keep us from dying of boredom. While telling a wickedly funny story, I whipped my head back so hard I hit the window with a very crunchy “BANG!” I was stunned for a full 2 seconds. Hot tears then started threatening to fall. My friend immediately put on his best “dad voice” and sternly said, “Don’t cry. You brought it upon yourself.” My tears backtracked. I bit my lip to keep myself from letting out even a tiny whimper.

“Don’t cry. You brought it upon yourself.”

Such wisdom in something so basic. It is no surprise that almost a decade after, that line would still ring in my ears everytime I’d do something that would make me want to bawl.

When we were in high school, our English teacher shared this essay by Pico Iyer on the Cult of Victimhood. In that piece, he sadly points out that nowadays, nothing is ever anybody’s fault. There will always be something or someone else to lay the blame on. No one has to take responsibility for his or her actions anymore. We’re all victims anyway, right?

My philosophy on pain is apparently the complete opposite of such thinking. I think that the measure of pain you feel will always be under your control. You will always have the responsibility for the hurt which you will allow yourself to be exposed to and to feel. In the end, faced with the prospect of pain, you will always actually have the choice to simply not cry… especially if you brought it upon yourself.